WHEN LOVE AND HATE COLLIDE

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Note: Hey everyone! It’s been awhile since I wrote an entry. Been busy and can’t think of any interesting scope. And here I am again with a new one. Funny though, it’s hard to write about amusing topics but easy to write about a break-up.  I hope you could share your POV about this new entry. Thanks! -Joyce
Two words. Three vowels. Four consonants. Seven letters.
(IT’S OVER)
Hurt, disappointed, discouraged, caught off guard and NUMB. Normal emotions we feel when we experience break up. Sleepless nights. Never-ending thinking and blaming. Endless self-questioning. What have I done? Is it me? Is it him? Am I not enough? Did he not love me enough?
For the past few days since he said “Let’s break up”, I don’t know what should I feel? Again, I feel NUMB. The ending of the daily routine with him, the last piece of sweet exchange of sweet nothings, the last straw of heated arguments, it all boils down to one conclusion, IT’S OVER. I don’t want him to give up but I don’t want to force him to be in a relationship where he just gets frustrated. That’s one thing I learn from that relationship, no forcing of things, and don’t force that person to be a part of your life when on the first place, he let go and he gave up.
LOVE vs FAMILY. You still want him, you miss him, and you freaking LOVE him, but would you beg ? Would you risk sounding desperate to get him back? If only I could do one thing that he requested. But would you be willing to sacrifice your family for the sake of love? Can you stand the sight of your family suffering just by choosing that special someone? Please give some insights people. I chose the former and gave up the latter. Did I make the right decision? I believe so. But did I make a happy decision? I think NOT. Will I regret my decision? Honestly, I do not know.
The thing about break up, no matter how people say, “when one door closes, another door opens” or “move on, he’s not the right guy for you” you just can’t easily move on. Better said than done huh. I don’t know when I will move on totally, it may take days, months or even years, I don’t know. One thing I want to happen is to forget and move forward but I don’t know how to do that. Making myself busy the whole day but at the end of the day, when the sun sets, you can feel the hurt again. (sighs)
But last night, I have decided, IT WILL ALWAYS BE MY CHOICE TO MOVE ON. Upon writing this journal, moving on comes next. It may be hard, but I need to do it for my sanity.
REALIZATIONS/LESSONS:
a.       You can’t force someone to be a part of your life, don’t beg.
b.      Missing someone is tough, but controlling yourself not to miss that person is TOUGHER.
c.       To WOMEN: A man who truly loves you will never let you go no matter how hard the situation is
d.      To MEN: A woman who truly loves will be angry at you for so many things but will stick around
e.      BLOOD is thicker than water; you sacrifice for the sake of family even though choosing them might hurt and bruise your love life
f.        But I know in time, I’ll fight for my love life with the RIGHT PERSON at the RIGHT TIME
g.       Don’t be in a relationship when you can’t even fight for it on the first place
h.      Either you fight for that person or wait for the right time
i.         I can move on
j.        I will move on
k.       I SHOULD move on.
l.         It might take a while, but eventually you’re going to find the good in goodbye.
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POV: (HOMOSEXUALITY) NOT YOUR ORDINARY PLEA

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Just recently, I’ve seen photos and videos of gay people being bullied, hurt and tortured. And Every time I see things like that; it just hurts the crap out of me. I hate it, and I condemn those people who do such heartless and inhumane deeds.

I’ve told a lot of people that gay people always have a soft spot in my heart. I’ve witnessed what kind of bullying they experience. I’ve seen how they were called names. And again it’s heartbreaking. It’s heartless. How long are these people going to suffer? When will this narrow-minded society open their eyes and accept that homosexuality is never a sin?

Leviticus 18:22“Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin.”

Leviticus 20:13“If a man practices homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman, both men have committed a detestable act. They must both be put to death, for they are guilty of a capital offense.”

All my life, I’ve been reading the bible (though some people may not believe it). There are a lot of passages in the Holy Bible about homosexuality, about gay being put to death. Trust me the last thing I want to do right now is to sermon you about religion or the Bible. But I need to bring this up, because homosexuality is often associated to be a mortal sin in the bible, especial. But WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE ANYWAY?

Matthew 7:1 Judge not, that you be not judged.

James 4:12 There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

A lot of people get confused by these contrasting words found in the holy book. But let’s ponder on this one of my favorite passages from Galatians.

Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Me with my gay brother, and my sister

Me with my gay brother, and my sister

See, we are all ONE in his eyes. So again, who are we to judge? Reality bites, some people refuse to listen and to see that we are one despite of the different choices of sexuality. It makes my heart sink. You know what’s even more heartbreaking? My father is one of those. And guess what’s even more ironic? His son, my brother is gay.

Yes, you read it right. I knew from the start that he’s gay but that has never been a problem to me. But raised from a traditional-military-with-strict-discipline-family, guess that really could be a problem. Ever since my father used to talk ill things about gay, I know it hurts my brother secretly. But it even pierced my heart more. I may not show it or say it verbatimly. I used to remember during our intermediate years, I still remember that jerk who bullied my brother and calling him names because of being ‘gay’, adrenaline rush, without any further ado, I went to their room and fought with that bully. Yes, I’m a protective sister, esp. when you bully my sibling just because of his choice of sexuality. Since then, the bully stopped. And I would gladly do the same thing if things happen again, related or non-related to me.

Awareness of homosexuality started at home and continued outside. I just realized most of my friends are gays. I easily get along with them, and yes I’m blessed to have my gay bestfriend. One thing to describe that friend of mine : TRUE. He’s a true person and  true confidante. Throught thick and thin, he’s been with me, supportive and goodness gracious, most were good and happy times. Many walked away from my life, former lovers and even former friends, but HE’S STILL HERE WITH ME  Who would not want a friend like that? I always know that gay people are the most true and loyal people. PROVEN AND TESTED.

Me with my gay best friend.

Me with my gay best friend.

I gotta be honest, it worried me before if they could really find someone special without the presence of lies and discrimination. I wanted them to be happy but at the same time, I don’t want them getting hurt. I guess God has heard one of my prayers, and send their significant others. They are I’m sure in the the state of happiness. And that made me happier.

With these 2 most important people in my life, my brother and best friend, they let me realize unknowingly the goodness of gay people. And if only I had the power of letting the people realize as well that gays are not as bad as what they think. Unfortunately, that would be really not possible for now. But I guess upon reading this article, at least I could have some people hit the realization button and open their mind. And just a sweet plea from the author herself to the readers, Stop bullying gay people, open your eyes and take thi 10-letter word.

ACCEPTANCE. yes, that’s what we need.

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I love my brother and accept him for what he chose to be… whatever it may be.

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with my brothers

What about LOVE?

1

Some say that love is a cliché belief to follow; others think it’s a wonderful feeling and the best state you’ll ever be. Authors know how to use it by writing it in the books, keeping people from believing that happy ends exist. Composers knows it’s a complicated, definitive endless roller coaster ride; and still people sing the songs of plea hoping cupid cling to their pry. LOVE. Big word, different meanings, different connotations. But for me, this is how I see this 4-letter-meaningful-priceless-makes-the-world-go-round-word.

2Who was there when you made your first cry, first smile, and first baby steps? Who was there when you had your school achievements or even academic problems? Yes, it will always be your bloodline, your FAMILY. Since birth, we have witnessed what kind of unconditional love our parents bestowed on us. It has always been us, and their sake will always be last just to get you safe and protected. We experienced greatest joys and sorrows at home. We learn from each other’s differences, commonalities and there’s a divine bond that intertwined us with our family. Unconditional love those parents give, putting the welfare of their children above theirs, that’s LOVE. The feeling that children want to make their parents proud and put that smile on their face, saying “That’s my child!” Yes, that’s also LOVE. The first place where you can see and witness love, the main abode where you can define love is at home, with your family and loved ones.

Love is an unconstructed accumulation of understanding the hits and miss.

3

Who was there to cheer you up when you have family woes, love issues or even school anxieties? Most of us answer that it’s our support system, friends. We find love at home, how much more to those people who you treated as best friends, confidante and soul mates? We have different kinds of friends. Friends who have amazing sense of humor, supportive and sweet. We also have friends who don’t really reciprocate as much as we do for them, this person may not be the most amazing friend, but you love her, and what do we do? We understand them. Yes that is LOVE. We love our friends’ admirable attitudes, and we accept our friends’ miss. Friendship with acceptance and sincerity is LOVE.

4Yes it is. You can see the other side of the person you know, not when she’s with her family, not with her friends, but when she’s with her special someone. That’s the strong effect of love. There are a lot of things you take risk in the name of that 4-letter word. You understand, you accept, you trust, you get hurt and you love again. Things that you think you’re not capable of doing are already your thing. Effort that you never thought of putting is already in your first priority. Extending your patience to the nth power that you thought you could never do. That’s how strong it is. Because you are a changed-person. All because of what? Yes, it’s all because of LOVE.

Family, friends, special someone. You can see it anywhere. You can feel it anytime. Because LOVE IS THE STRONGEST THING IN THE WORLD. How about you? How much love means to you?

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